our life is god's gift to us, but what we make of it is our gift to god

a call to anguish- David Wilkerson

2009-08-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

Someone I know had this on their facebook wall and it kind of convicted/moved me. I thought i would share this with you since she shared it with me.

musterdseed faith.

2009-08-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

I've been running around lately. Trying to get this done that faxed off this applyed for that mailed in this paid for that painted and so on.All these things are overwhelming sometimes. I look at this huge heep of things I have to do and I just want to give up. It seems like there is always fore and i can never get ahead. Ever felt like this?

As many of you know I will be moving away to bible college. I am pretty pumped for this but there are a ton of things that i have to finish before hand. It seems impossible it really does. But on sunday morning in church a lady shared her testamony about how God took her impossible sitsuation and made it happen. There were certian things in her testimony that made me tear up and want to cry. Not cause i felt bad or sad for her, but for two reasons. The first was how i need to trust God and let him be the captin of my ship. The second was me noticing what God did in her life and comparing it to what he is going to do in my life. If he could take her sitsuation and make it possible he could take mine and do the same.

I got accepted for a student loan. I didn't think i would. I got that e-mail in the morning and was happy all day because it was going to cover all of my schooling plus some. Later that day i received a phone call saying i had a 700$ bill in collections and if i didn't pay it by the 20h they were going to ding my credit.... uh oh. so i asked my boss how much my next pay cheque is going to be.... 300$ (gotta love taking time off for camp) this will cover almost half of that bill. So now i start to stress out. i need another 400 or i am going to have bad credit. Am i worried right now? no cause i have to trust in God. He is my provider. My shelter.

For awhile i felt oh God why me woa is me blah blah blah. But after a talk with my neighbor (without knowing anything about any of my situations, other then I'm moving) she started to speak about how when we think woa is me why me God there could be a few different reasons.

1- God retaliating on your disobedience

2.- God preparing you for something you may face in the future (wether it be a testimony that saves someone or a bigger situation where you have to use what you have learnt)

3- God trying to help you trust him

So throughout the next 2.5 weeks I have a ton of stuff to do and i need to trust and have faith in God to be able to accomplish these things.

Faith is belief in something you can't physically trust

Fireworks

2009-08-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with a friend today. We talked about school in september and where life was going and where it has been. This made me realize I am about to take one of the biggest steps in my life. something that in the last 314 days i have been preparing for. Some may think oh it is just collage, it's not that big of a deal..... Well there is more on the plate then education.... My whole future depends on this september. i am going to be taking a youth ministry program but before i am taking omega.

I made this test that asked how well do you know James. One question was what do I want to do with my life? Two of the answers were A0 music producer or B) a youth pastor. Almost everyone picked music producer. I figure this is for one of two reasons. i hide my faith and choices in life. or they cant ever see me being a youth pastor. Some people know my dream in life and most don't

My dram is to become a youth pastor. I want a youth group that is grounded in faith. I don't want them to hide it, like i have. I also (on the side) start a record label. I want to record under privileged kids who have alot of talent but no way to show the world. I'll help them get their name out there and maybe even get record deals. I want to do tours with the youth that want to make music their career. i want my youth group to hold conferences of thousands. Most of all i want God to be in it all or it means nothing.

To follow God it will cost you one thing. Everything.....

I've put off collage for 3 years and the best way to describe the reason for this was by Edgar Alfaro, It wasn't time yet. I'm glad i didn't go then cause i needed to really realize that it's not just my plan...... I realize that my faith (up to this point) was built of what everyone else thinks. Don't get me wrong it is not bad to know what everyone else thinks but don't build your faith of what your told. dig in and discover it for yourself.

-James Berkey.

12:00 Noon

2007-10-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

okay lets get deep
like the oceans world core
space too earth
like a mother giving her first birth
the childs first breath
a mans death
mother cried
heaven were the mans soul servives

I reacentlly had lunch with a good friend of mine. We talked about life and how thats going. Eventually we got too talking about God and whats he has done for me or how i was doing with God. I told him honestly that I wasn't sure about God and me. I told him that i have been looking for answeres that would prove a God (even though i know there isn't any). I feel like my religion was someone eleses. I mean we go off what other people say. Religion in a scence is what your "mentor"/"pastor" told you about god. I was really destracted that I didn't know what to belive. I beleived somthing someone told me and they leart what someone told them. But what if somewere down that line someone was wrong and totally twisted the actual meaning of being a christian. I never really told my friend I had luch with of what i thought (you know the thought of someone eleses thought). But he plainly said i had too find my own beleife. I was shocked when he said that. He also said that he has also seen God do amazing thing in my life amd asked what he is doing now. I said too him that I felt he wasn't doing anything. But now that I look back I relise he is allowing me to breath, live, love. I have clothes i have a place too stay, friends family people who love me. My friend was a little bit troubled that in my last post i didn't mention God. He asked why and i couldn't answere. I was amazed that i didn't.
I geuss now i am tring to find my own if that makes scence.

it is amazing what a simple wendy's lunch with a friend will make you relise.

Truth be told.....

2007-07-31T08:14:00.001-07:00

I come from a city thats broken. Were people forget too help out, Were people don't care.
I was born in Edmonton, Alberta. I was born into a beautiful single mothers life on a snowy december 12 1988. Unfortetally my "Father" decided too peace out when he found out my mother was pregnant.
I moved too Nanaimo at the age of four. I got into kindergarten while my mother got a job at a hospital as an LPN. My mom worked grave yard shifts at the hospital. Witch ment i would go too school while she was sleeping. I would come home while she was at work. She would come home while i was sleeping. This went on for years. I bassically never saw her. My brother and sister would always take care of me. Cook me food, take me too school, put me too bed. I grew up with no father, Until my mother met this guy. This guy was new too me. I remember one time i went into my mothers room were he had spent the night. I jumped onto the bed and asked him if he was my dad. At one point my mom couldn't afford grocries so this guy sold his nice car too buy us kids food.
Eventually this guy asked too marrie my mother. We moved out of this ghetto house and moved to the north end on rutheford RD. We had a big proporty and a nice house(renting).
The first time i got introuble at school was in grade 3. This girl said i was swearing at her on the playground but i never did. In reality i was with my sister getting ready too go home for the day. The princeaple didn't belive me when i told him i never did it. He gave me trouble saying he might kick me out and that i was a bad child. Witch drove me too tears.
When we lived in the north end we only lived there for a year because our tires got slashed 14 times our dog got shot and killed and just was over all around worse then harewood. So we moved too jinglepot area. I went too mountin veiw. and always got introuble. I fought and back talked alot. I remember i got kicked off the bus for school cause i was being bad. at the sme time i got an in school suspention. The class i was suspended in went too the playground so i went too. i smashed my head and bled everywere. Without telling the teacher i took off too the office. They never really helped out i mean i was saposed too walk home that day and that was a good hour walk. The bell rang and the bus came. I asked if i could take the bus cause they didn't call my mom too come get me or call anyone. (remember i had a pool of blood on the office floor) the went and asked the bus driver and contimplated letting me go on the bus. Fifteen minutes later they let me on. From the bus stop i stumbled home were my mom was on her day off. So we went too go get stitches.
We moved again when i was going into grade seven. I was back in harewood were in grade seven i got 63 referls in one year (thats were you fight you get one swear 5 time you get one ext.) i got 63. got kicked out of my grade seven grad ceromoney so i broke all the school windows while they partied in the gym.
In grade eight i got into alot of fights and started smoking. Seemed like a good thing too do at the time. I started too sell weed aswell. first semester goes buy and i got kicked out befor second semester started. I went too five acers. Were i finished grade 8,9,10 i got kicked out of five acers five or six times i fought alot sold alot of drugs in grade 9 my mom's husband adopted me and i finally had a legit father. I eventually stopped selling and doing dumb crap. I got back into barsby and met a girl. i dated this girl till i graduated highschool. In the summer of grade 11 too 12 my mom moved too fort st john. I moved into this girls house. Eventually i got sick of having a girlfriend i mean i dated her for 2.5 years up too this point. I wanted out of the relashinship but i need a place too live in nanaimo so i stayed with her. This one time i mouthed off her uncle and a couple months later he was in nanaimo and slapped me around then punched me. Thats when i knew i was moving too fort st john to be with my mom. I also had a group of friend threaten too kill this uncle. Not just threaten but mean it all i had too say was ok. Eventually he called and said sorry too me.
Eventually i moved too fort st john. I got a job and lived with mom. i had no friends no family (but mom and dad) no girlfriend. In my eyes i was free from the thing that entagled my vary way of living. I always procrastanated on when i was moving home. the girl i was dating got mad that i didn't come back on her scheduale so she broke up with me. I never was hurt by her action or even cared. In my eyes we broke up as soon as her uncle hit me way back in the day.
I met some people from work and started hanging out with them and they drank alot witch in turn made me want too fit in with my new friends. So i began drinking heavely. I would say 4-5 nights a week. I also began smoking a pak aday.I looked at this girls profile on the internet and it said she hated drinking and smokers. I liked this girl so i decided i would quit. My mom and dad decided too move back too nanaimo and i moved into the friends house. I went on vacation and went down with my mom and dad (too nanaimo). I met up with this girl and asked her on a date. Every day i was in nanaimo on vacation for that week and a bit i spent it with her. I asked her out with her knowing i was going back up north. She said yes and i told her my plan. I told her i will be back in one month. she never knew i was going too move back so soon. I applyed at kia nanaimo and i got a job so i moved back even sooner.
This is were i am now. Quit kia and now work for college pro. i am still with this girl and things are going great!!!
Acouple things you should know bout me
i got into alot of fights
i sold drug
stole cars
broke into houses
almost killed someone
moved too fort st john
became an alchaholic
started too smoke
fought alout in FSJ
have had a screwed up life
feel like i am someone new now

i come from a city thats broken
were people abort shipand live life for that single thing that they think is "hip"
but their hearts fall apart
like a lepper on a tred-mill
their minds change more then piggy banks
never hitting the brain breaks
they do what is cool
people want too fix the problem
but time has got them
they don't got the timewe can all talk
till we find ourselfs laying on the pavement
but
i come from a city thats broken

midnight thought

2007-01-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

i woke up 15 minutes ago it is 1225 thought i would post wht i woke up thinking

why is life worth what you do with it...to make money make kids grow old and die whats so worth it. Why do we go to school graduate, go to school Gratuate. trie to get a good job and a wife make kids so they can go to school and do the same.

when i first woke up i was mad i was like i wana go to bed but relized what is worth it why do we do what we do.

i talked to some kid and he said

"its funny though... you seem like a fairly bright guy, maybe you havent had the best upbringing or life or w.e ( i dont really know and you and i probably dont want to talk about it) but you seem with it. But doesnt it sicken you how little you actually care, like you write a rhyme about it but who says youlll ever do anything
and were sposed to be above average in intelligence? Wouldnt a smarter person be more prone to do the right things, but instead we waste gas flying to fsj and get better paying jobs lmao"

i said back

but with intellegince dosn't mean it pushes out ignerence like for instance Donald Ttump makes lots of money, has a charity why to look good and make more money dose his money go into the charity of their name no and if it dose barley they fundraise... weird to me but the trump charitty should be called somthing eles but with that don't you think ppl would have the brains to instead think he is a good guy and instead of that think whoever gives is good person

is it worth even typing this is it worth paying for the internet or have a computer is anything worth anything?

Think about it...Or it will think about you?

2006-10-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

I go to a youth group that dose some fun stuff. We recently play the Great Hudinie escape. Thats were you make a group of 4 and chain eachother up with combanation locks and you have to go to diffrent places on the bus to get a lock unlocked.

My group ended up walking half way across town because we missed one bus. but i was walking behind the group cause i got unlocked. but while i was walking i was looking at this fitness edge sign that was huge and the lights were on in the building but i knew it was closed at quarter to ten. I though about the power that goes into the building and how much it would cost to eluminate that sign 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Got to thinking do they really need to light the city up with thousands of street lights. i thought that was what headlights were for. i thought how much money would we save if we turned off al the unnessasary lights from when places close to when they open. i thought maybe thousands and maybe millions (for the bigger city's) but if we did this we could help out a dieing country.

My friend whent to uganda in the summer and said well it is real poverty stricken. Well as a "rich" country could we change that? i know it is a big leap to trie to save the world but like us at church how often do we spend money on crap we don't need. like those new lights did we need them, do we need 15 speakers when 8 will do the trick, do we need a bigger office or a nicer kitchen. NO not really. but then agian doe we need what we have a 500 doller cell phone a 50,000 doller car 1,00's in clothes a 200 doller watch you only wear with one outfit. in nthe same way people complain about our government saying a-holes gotta keep all our money well i bet if you got 60,000 dollers more a year you wouldn't give much more than you do now. everyone gets money and spends it the more money you get the more expencive your stuff gets period.

Rob bell from nooma says in a video that like 5% of the people in the world have a car but in north amarica if you don't have a car you are missing out? other people look at your car, he says, and nomatter what it is a real big peice o crap and most people think "Rich".

what could we do to help out ohters give 5 bucks a month. okay thats somthing but what can our city, church, government. what can they do, what will they do when people die from hunger but others choke to death?

blessings

jimbo